When Their Boundary Feels Like a Punch in the Gut

You did the work. You learned to set boundaries, speak up, and choose yourself. But what happens when someone else does that to you?

What happens when they pull away, say no, stop replying, or choose something that doesn’t include you?

If your stomach drops… your heart races… and you immediately start wondering what you did wrong - you’re not alone.

This is what we’re unraveling in Part 2 of the AKW Podcast series on boundaries. Because setting them is one thing.

Respecting them is another.

When You Feel Like the Villain on the Receiving End

It’s easy to say “boundaries are healthy” - but much harder when someone else draws a line you weren’t expecting. When they stop calling. When they say no to your request. When they create distance.

That’s when your nervous system kicks in.
That’s when the stories start.
That’s when you wonder, “Did I do something wrong?”

But here’s what you probably haven’t been told:

Their boundary is not about you. It’s about them.
Their pain.
Their protection.
Their pattern.

The Stories We Make Up

When someone sets a boundary, most of us don’t pause and breathe.
We interpret.
We internalize.
We assign meaning that was never actually spoken.

Thoughts like:

• She must be mad at me.

• I’m clearly not important to her.

• Maybe I was too much again.

• I probably said the wrong thing.

But what if - just what if - it wasn’t about you at all?

What if their “no” is a product of their nervous system?
Of their unhealed wounds?
Of something they’re working through silently?

We don’t need to agree with someone’s boundary. We don’t even have to like it.
But we do need to respect it - and stop creating shame stories that we’re the problem.

This Is Where Growth Lives

Can you hold your own center when someone else pulls away?
Can you stay grounded in who you are without needing to explain, fix, or convince?

That’s the work.

Boundaries will absolutely activate your old patterns. They’ll press on the parts of you that want to be liked, understood, and needed.

But they’ll also set you free - if you let them.

How to Stay Grounded When Someone Sets a Limit

Try this:

1. Pause before you react.
   Notice what story you’re telling yourself. Is it actually true?

2. Remember: Their boundary is not a rejection. It’s regulation.

3. Ask yourself:

   • What am I making this mean about me?

   • Is there another possibility here?

4. Respect the space even if it feels uncomfortable.
   You can still love people and give them room.

5. Don’t perform. Don’t bend. Don’t abandon yourself to be re-invited.

Your worth is not determined by how many people say yes to you.
It’s defined by how you show up - especially when it’s hard.

Final Thoughts: Boundaries Are Information, Not Rejection

Someone else’s boundary is not your cue to spiral.
It’s your cue to pause. Reflect. Respect.
And stay rooted in you.

Because healing isn’t just about setting boundaries.
It’s about honoring other people’s, too - without losing yourself in the process.

🎧 Did you miss Part 1 of this 3 Part Series?

Catch up now:
Part 1: If Setting Boundaries Makes You Feel Like a Monster…

📅 Part 3 of this boundary series drops August 1st.

Ready to deepen this work and stop making everyone else comfortable at your expense?
Join the Good Girls Quitters Club — my signature Mini Mind.

This post is based on Episode 10 of the Andrea Kay Wellness Podcast. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.